What's next in Life?

I received a call, at 1 past midnight. Before pressing the green button, I wondered why would somebody call from the other side of the world, at this time, to me? The first word he uttered, I thought he was drunk. Nah, he was not. Definitely. He shoved the phone to another girl. Which conversation dreaded on for 15 minutes, which is then I realized, she felt awkward.

Why? What is wrong then? Because she is living in a life I once had, and the life that I had enjoyed most during my studious period. Carefree, I have nothing to think about that time. Just mere enjoyment, and spending my precious moment, with him. After hanging up, I thought, to myself. Why am I still reminiscing of the past? It is time to move forward, far beyond what I am doing now. It took me couple of months of hell, to bring a leg forward, but another would not budge. It just stood there, waiting for me to drop and drag me behind again, once and for all.

But hell no, I'm not going to let that happen. No I am not. I should have start real plans, plans that will keep me occupied for the rest of my years? Nah. Just 10 would be enough.

I looked at fb, some pictures, and thought, "wow", what is it like to be like....them?? Am I not happy with myself, I questioned. Justifying myself again. I am happy, but not satisfied. Because "Next" in life; which is something I had not found yet. So abstract, yet at my fingertips. Just at the snap of my fingers, I would walk ahead. What I need, should be courage, persistency. and LOVE.

I love ME

What do you think LOVE is?

There are thousands of songs, movies out there singing about love, sweet and sour at times. Some heart-breaking, while giving you the strength when you need it. Couples that are in love smiled listening to them, those heart-broken cried when they go near it.

I have met many that were once head-over-heels over each other. Everything was perfect, love was in the air. But once you turn your head, the other half turned their backs, and walk away. Their hearts followed, and you cried towards the night, begging for their return. But hearts made of stones, will never ever spare another moment for you. Days turned into nights; eyes swollened; hearts painfully throbbing asking for forgiveness; and in the end, nothing matters anymore.

I could not understand; what love meant to them; those hearts made of stones. I felt hurt. Because I couldn't help her. And I know, she suffered. She might still have sleepless nights, eyes bore into the dark; thinking what she might have done wrong to be treated this way. Probably she had done something that made him left her, without a goodbye, just ignorance. My friend, wouldn't you want to get an explanation, at the very least? And leave the past back, once and for all? Because, for a woman, you deserve a better man. Someone who would love you as much as you did. Because, when a man changed, he is not who he was anymore, and do not hope for his return, for he will break your heart once again.

I am in no position to comment nor criticize. Because I wasn't in your shoes, and you definitely would know better, than to drag on a meaningless relationship.

You once had that love, and loved deeply. You both knew, what you both once had. And let it remain as a beautiful memory in your hearts. Let it go, so that you could once live again. I wish you happiness, and I will always be here for you.

426 days being together - Part2

Over the time, we studied together. He taught me his language, and I taught him mine. He would stand await for me whenever I am having classes. We would then head to lunch together. I grew fatter over time and could not fit into my tight jeans. He would then console me, telling me alls right, for he loves me for who I am, and not what I am. I fell in love once again.

Then it was time he wanted to introduce me to his parents. I met them and they liked me but did not know. Then he told them and they were shocked; for he is the eldest son in the family and have many responsibilities to fulfill. But religion remain as the biggest obstacle, for they are faithful Christian believers. I told him to “trust” and “be patient” because I have faith that our parents will trust us too in the future.


Our last day together, he did not send me off because he could not bear to see me leave. on the night before my departure, we talked, cried and laughed for hours till our eyes were swollen and our voices hoarsed. Tissues lied across the floor. That night, his parents treated me to dinner and we hugged before I left.

We fought when we were angry, laughed when we were happy, and we were always there for each other when we were having our hardtimes. We had love for 426 days, and it will always be the same for the next and forever the next 426 days.

426 days being together - Part1

The day we met, he taught me the meaning of love, I who thought love was just as simple as telling each other, "I love you". I was wrong because from then I learnt that love is about "trust" "forgiveness" "understanding".

The first time I felt touched, when he chose to love and protect me from far. Because he knows that I will be going back one day. I could not bear to see him in pain alone, So i decided that we will face this, together.

Our first date was at the Park. The weather turned cold suddenly and he put his jacket over me but shivered himself. Tears formed in my eyes and I then held his hands, to give him warmth. I felt shy and my cheeks turned from pink to red. He then tightened his grip and my heart beat faster and harder and would not stop no matter how hard i've tried.

~Our Love Story~

Having a long-distance relationship is really not an easy thing. You tend to miss him so much that you come to having sleepless nights. Well, it had not been that case for me. At least not now I guess. This couple of days, I had been crying a lot at nights. It happens when I missed him greatly throughout the night, and when he called, my tears just poured down with me repeating how much I have missed him that night. And I never wanted to let him end the call, trying so hard at times dragging the conversation longer so he wouldn't wish me good nights and I could continue listening to his soft voice. Sometimes conversations ended with fights and I would cry for a couple of hours, got mad at him for treating me like this, send him loads of text messages blaming him so I could get back at him. He would apologize the next day, and my world spin round and round again.

We took 2 months falling in love, 7 months being together, 8 months parting from each other, and probably a few more years waiting for each others return. Sometimes I would even question myself, will 7 months of love worth 7 years of waiting? What will happen in between? Will he leave me one day? What will I do then? And everything seems so ridiculous because right at this moment, he's my precious and we belongs to each other.

I never regret loving him, Because I only regret I could not be right beside him, supporting him. But sometimes I thought this separation are meant to be for the both of us, because so will bring our heart closer, this separation puts the test on us.

I have threaten him a few times, to leave him. But never uttering the two words. But once, I became weak, and wanted to give up, and it was him, he who brought us back together once again. It was a short period of time, but had taken my soul away.

Darling, I am sorry. Will you forgive me once again for being so weak? I love you.